My darling, Fred,
You left this earth 11 months ago today. I still miss you as much today as I did that day. It is hard for me to blog, because of the tears. You will always be the love of my life. You showed me what it was like to really love unconditionally and to be loved the same way.
I wouldn't trade one minute of our time together. You made me smile, you made me laugh and now thoughts of you make me cry. Sometimes they are happy tears remembering special moments with you.
You made me a better person. You taught me to make the best of what you have, to live life the best you can. I know you were in pain, it was so hard for you to breathe, but you never complained. You left me so quietly in the night. I will never know just when you left. I will always remember tucking you in bed that night and finding you in the same position the next morning.
So long for now, my love.
Friday, November 27, 2015
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Almost 8 months
Fred, you have been gone 8 months in just 2 days. Some times it seems like yesterday, that you went to be with God, other times it seem like every bit of those 8 months. I miss you just as much today, as I did last December.
This month has been tough because I remember August of 2009, when you first started to be my 'tour guide' (your words) around San Diego. Back then little did I know then that I would one day be your wife and then your widow.
There are no words to describe how much I love you or how much I miss you.
I don't know how I am going to deal with the holidays this year. We decided to get married just the week before Thanksgiving in 2009. We picked up my engagement ring two days before Christmas. I treasure the photo taken by Kathleen, in front of the Casa Vallecitas Christmas tree on Christmas Eve morning.
Actually, I treasure all the photos I have of you, and especially the video in the hospital room, where you say 'I love you'. I look at your photos often, I just need to see your smile.
Some mornings I don't know how I'm going to get through the day, but then I remember my children and all the people who love me. Even though my heart is broken, as the saying goes, "it is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all". We had 5 plus years together and everyday was precious.
From time to time, I find myself saying good morning world and good bye house. Things you used to say. I will always love you, my darling, Fred.
This month has been tough because I remember August of 2009, when you first started to be my 'tour guide' (your words) around San Diego. Back then little did I know then that I would one day be your wife and then your widow.
There are no words to describe how much I love you or how much I miss you.
I don't know how I am going to deal with the holidays this year. We decided to get married just the week before Thanksgiving in 2009. We picked up my engagement ring two days before Christmas. I treasure the photo taken by Kathleen, in front of the Casa Vallecitas Christmas tree on Christmas Eve morning.
Actually, I treasure all the photos I have of you, and especially the video in the hospital room, where you say 'I love you'. I look at your photos often, I just need to see your smile.
Some mornings I don't know how I'm going to get through the day, but then I remember my children and all the people who love me. Even though my heart is broken, as the saying goes, "it is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all". We had 5 plus years together and everyday was precious.
From time to time, I find myself saying good morning world and good bye house. Things you used to say. I will always love you, my darling, Fred.
Friday, July 24, 2015
Baby, I think of you everyday and it still brings tears to my eyes. I love and miss you so much. I feel so blessed to have had you in my life, and I know you are still with me, forever.
Our time together was short, but it was wonderful. I never loved someone the way I love you and no one ever loved me the way you do. I pray that you are in heaven watching over me. That prayer helps me get through the days and nights.
Thank you for everything you did for me. LOVE ALWAYS
Our time together was short, but it was wonderful. I never loved someone the way I love you and no one ever loved me the way you do. I pray that you are in heaven watching over me. That prayer helps me get through the days and nights.
Thank you for everything you did for me. LOVE ALWAYS
Monday, July 6, 2015
Our Anniversary
this morning has been a little rough. I seem to be crying a lot. I guess it's only natural since today is our anniversary. Fred, I miss you so much. I think of you every day. I was so blessed to have you in my life. I will never forget your kindness and love. You made me feel very special everyday.
I remember how warm it was, sitting outside waiting for the Marriage License Bureau to open. Drinking hot coffee, what were we thinking? You wore your black suit with a white turtleneck, so handsome. I wore the yellow, black and white dress with the yellow sweater that you picked out for me.
I pray that someday, I will see you again... Love you forever.
I remember how warm it was, sitting outside waiting for the Marriage License Bureau to open. Drinking hot coffee, what were we thinking? You wore your black suit with a white turtleneck, so handsome. I wore the yellow, black and white dress with the yellow sweater that you picked out for me.
I pray that someday, I will see you again... Love you forever.
Friday, June 12, 2015
Fred's birthdayD
Tomorrow is Fred's birthday. I am having a very hard time dealing with my feelings. Birthdays were never that big of a deal with us, but we did go for Sushi every year. I think I want to go for Sushi this year, but not sure how I will handle it. I have never been to Sage without him.
I miss him so terribly much. I can only hope that special days get easier. Our anniversary is less than a month away and I know that will be another tough day.
No matter what the pain, I will always cherish the time we had together. He showed me what true love could be.
I miss him so terribly much. I can only hope that special days get easier. Our anniversary is less than a month away and I know that will be another tough day.
No matter what the pain, I will always cherish the time we had together. He showed me what true love could be.
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Meeting Fred
I've never been one to write or journal, but after attending a memorial service this morning, I felt the need to remember Fred with written words. He truly was and is, the love of my life.
The first time I saw him, he was in the hot tub at the complex where we both lived. When I walked up, he said, "my name is Fred, I had a stroke, I don't talk much." That was all he said that night. I don't remember who left the hot tub first or if we even said good nite.
I do remember thinking he was so handsome, with his white hair. A few days later, I told my daughter about the encounter. I found myself looking for him at the hot tub and in the morning where a group of residents met for coffee. I told myself that I was not interested in friending anyone who was ill, I had been through the loss of a dear friend before.
He slowly started to talk when we would see each other in the hot tub, and a group of residents had started to gather at the hot tub a few evenings a week.
It was a couple of months later, in August, when Rose, one of the residents, asked if everyone had seen Fred's red corvette? I don't know why, but I looked at him and said, "I've always wanted a ride in a corvette." Since a group of us were going to the MoneyPit, for breakfast, the next morning, he said he would give me a ride to breakfast.
When I went down to the lobby, the next morning, he was waiting in front of the entrance with the passenger door open for me. Some of the ladies looked jealous!
I guess you can say the rest is history.
The first time I saw him, he was in the hot tub at the complex where we both lived. When I walked up, he said, "my name is Fred, I had a stroke, I don't talk much." That was all he said that night. I don't remember who left the hot tub first or if we even said good nite.
I do remember thinking he was so handsome, with his white hair. A few days later, I told my daughter about the encounter. I found myself looking for him at the hot tub and in the morning where a group of residents met for coffee. I told myself that I was not interested in friending anyone who was ill, I had been through the loss of a dear friend before.
He slowly started to talk when we would see each other in the hot tub, and a group of residents had started to gather at the hot tub a few evenings a week.
It was a couple of months later, in August, when Rose, one of the residents, asked if everyone had seen Fred's red corvette? I don't know why, but I looked at him and said, "I've always wanted a ride in a corvette." Since a group of us were going to the MoneyPit, for breakfast, the next morning, he said he would give me a ride to breakfast.
When I went down to the lobby, the next morning, he was waiting in front of the entrance with the passenger door open for me. Some of the ladies looked jealous!
I guess you can say the rest is history.
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